30 Things: Fears

Deuteronomy 31:6 CEB

"Be strong! Be fearless! Don't be afraid and don't be scared by your enemies, because the LORD your God is the one who marches with you. He won't let you down, and He won't abandon you."

And yet here I am.

If you're a parent, you have fears. A million of them. They make your heart race throughout the day, haunt your dreams at night and if you're not careful, they can overtake you. As someone who struggles with OCD, my need to control and mitigate danger for my children has to be carefully reigned in. Thankfully, my husband is very good at reminding me to breathe and that "Boys will be boys." And just as an aside...if you're a step-parent, the same problem persists. With a whole new set of fears. Can I get an Amen?!

If you're married, you have fears. If you're not married, you have fears. If you're breathing, you have fears. We are truly our own worst enemies. Here are my top three and why. (PS. Spiders didn't make the list, although they'd come in a close #4)

1. I am utterly terrified that I will be taken from the Earth while my children are still young and that I will not be able to see them grow up and that they will be without a mother. I'm pretty sure this ranks as Number 1 for most Moms. I feel this is exponentially magnified in my own heart because of the long road I traveled to bring these two little miracles into the world. And yes, I praise God every day and know in my heart He blessed me with the desires of my heart and to trust in His steadfastness and that His timing is perfect. And yet, I fear. And think that Heaven cannot possibly be more beautiful than this life here with them and that I will hate it there if I have to go too soon. And I am scared to think of my children growing up without me. How they might be scarred and forever affected by the loss of a parent. I want their childhood to be practically perfect in every way. The fear of a mother.

2. I am afraid that my father will relapse. He's been clean for over 10 years now. But after experiencing almost 20 years of what it feels like to have a parent gripped with drug and alcohol addiction (with relapses too numerous to count), I have what I consider a healthy fear of the possibility that it might happen again. I rejoice in his sobriety and cannot properly articulate here how proud I am of his growth, but I'm also aware that today is a good day, but tomorrow might not be the same. One day at a time.

3. I mentioned this in my first 30 Things post, but it deserves another mention. I have terrible stage fright. I panic. I can sing. I can play piano. I am blessed with a gift. But I'm too terrified to share. This one surprises most people. Having a very strong personality and what I'm sure many interpret as an overly confident demeanor, they struggle to understand this fear. Which can make for lots of awkward conversations when I get asked to perform in any way under any circumstance. "Oh it will be fine! You'll do great!" simply does not suffice here. I kick myself over this fear time and time again, but at the end of the day, my music is the place where I heal, and if this is the one thing I hold sacred and secret for myself, than I don't think I'm doing too badly. I think a person like me needs something special that is all its own and serves purely to bring you back to a place of peace. It's my self-therapy.

Having said that, I sing all day every day to the boys. My fear is trumped by my desire for them to feel free to sing whenever and wherever they choose, whenever the mood strikes them. They sing from the moment they awake until their tired bodies finally fall asleep to the little sounds of them humming in their beds.

PS. Yup, these are iPhone Instagram pics. And just for fun, if you didn't know it, there is a company called Stickygram that turns your Instagram photos into magnets. I use them periodically because these magnets a huge hit with the boys. They have a deal going on until Monday, September 23 where you buy 3 sheets for the price of 2 by using the code SUMMERMEMORIES. Check it out!

'Tis the Season!

I don't normally shoot maternity, newborn or kiddo portraits, purely because life doesn't afford me enough time to. BUT...I have a special love for my past brides and clients, now friends, so it's hard to resist when they ask me to capture their special moments with their little ones. And I'm happy to do it, because simply put, it makes my heart burst to see how blissfully happy they are and I feel beyond blessed to share in that.

Spring (Did we have Spring? Is this Summer? What's up, Virginia?!) is in the air, which means 'tis the season. Babies, kiddos, everywhere! Here are a few faves from recent sessions.

You'll remember Nichole and Daniel from their million and one posts (LOVE YOU GUYS!!!), their most recent being Nichole's maternity photos. And now, here we are welcoming Braylen to the world! He is the sweetest, cutest, tiniest little bundle of perfection and I adore him. And he will be my little men's bestest friend. It's a done deal.









And of course you'll remember Carla from her maternity session. Can you believe Jackson is a year old?! Time flies is probably the biggest understatement ever. Probably because it's reminding me right now that if Jackson is one, then holy cow, my boys are almost two years old! We had play time at Hunt Club Farm recently and captured Jackson and Mama lovin' on each other and having fun.

Happy Birthday, Mia!

If you've been reading my blog for awhile now, you know Mia. In fact, you know her Mom & Dad, Stephanie & Mike, from their wedding photos (my very first wedding clients ever!), subsequent maternity photos, her sister, Lily, who sported big headbands, flowers and inexplicable cuteness for her many portrait sessions. And now there's Mia.







It's a special thing to follow a family. It feels something like writing a history book. And celebrating Mia's first birthday, which also of course meant impromptu portraits of Lily, was yet another happy chapter of their lives jotted down.



Stephanie & Mike truly understand the importance of photographs. They adore their tiny, perfect family, and they work hard to make sure photography stays a priority for them. And now, Stephanie will very soon be taking my October Shutterbugs class, so she's even taking on learning some basics herself, so that she can keep on capturing the memories even when I'm not there.





Happy Birthday, Mia!

siblings.

It's funny how predictable certain things are. In that good way. In that "give your sister a hug" kinda way that results in a headlock, or that "give me your best silly face" challenge that ends in giggles and shenanigans.







These guys were no exception and I had a blast playing with them at the beach. Camilla is part Pippi Longstocking, part Anne of Green Gables, with a twist of humor and an insatiably infectious laugh. Miles is the deep thinker, part Harry Potter, part Percy Jackson, with a twist of thoughtful scientific hypothesis. They are brother and sister. And it shows. In that good way.

I can't wait until my boys get big enough for memories like these...

emily.

I've known Emily since she was 3 years old. She's been with me full time since she was...hmmm...7, I think? Watching her grow and go through all the kid stages has been an eye-opening experience on a variety of levels, an experiment and lesson in my own personal limits, self-control and depth of my love. She's my daughter, and there aren't the right words or the time to really explain what that has meant and continues to mean as she grows up.

Thankfully, we've moved out of the "sweatpants, I hate showering or doing laundry" phase and into the "this is my personal style" phase, which comes with its own bevvy of interesting moments, and in that typical pre-teen fashion, the word "moody" doesn't even begin to describe her dynamic right now, but all in all, she's a fabulous kiddo, a tremendous sister and when the mood strikes her, she's hilariously funny. And she just graduated from 5th grade and is heading into middle school. (insert screams of horror and terrifying music here)

To celebrate, we took to the beach for her own personal one-on-one portrait session. She agonized over her outfit, actually asked me to help her do her hair (Which, thank you very much, is suddenly very similar to my own style which for years, she dubbed as "the mo-hawk and why would I want a bump in the front of my hair?" Karma and a tiny victory for me in this admission of mimicking my style? But of course.), and had all sorts of pop and lock movements to show her sass. But mainly, she was just Emily. And I realized she is really growing up and becoming a beautiful girl. Sometimes we forget in the chaos of life to really slow down and marvel at what's going on around us. I need to make more time for that.

Happy Birthday, Little Men!

Now, I'm nothing if not motivated. And it's purely due to timing that I didn't have my house plastered in tiny blue whales with a giant wave pool out front to perfectly execute my little whale spout theme for the boys' first birthday; complete with ocean-themed food choices, a giant mascot and some real fish. Maybe even a real baby whale. A tiny one.

So, in lieu of this baby whale mecca time crunch, I threw a giant BBQ instead. And I called in a pro (see HERE if you want to be reminded why calling in a pro when necessary is VITAL to your survival). And of course, she didn't disappoint. (And neither did my husband's burgers and my friend, Jen's, amazing strawberry shortcake salad. Which, is of course naturally healthy because it is called salad, right?)

Kelly of Trendy Baby took my vision, ran away with it, and came promptly back with awesomeness. Seriously, after a quick bout of Pinterest, she took my idea and made magic.

Welcome signs, cupcake sticks, thank you tags, onesies and a giant banner were all wows! oooohs! and ahhhhs! on the big day. And thanks to the talented and supremely sweet Somer at Somer Anne Photography (There it is again! Call the pros!), I was awarded the great comfort of sitting back, enjoying the boys' party with friends and family, knowing that every little beautiful memory was being captured and I didn't have to worry one bit. Praise Jesus.

It was a perfect day. They are one. Holy cow. Oh...and they like cake! Well, cupcakes at least. They inhaled them. And then about 5 minutes later would randomly scream happily. Hello sugar rush!

Here is the family picture we took while they both yelled "Ahhhhhh!" (just like they were saying "Cheese!!!!!") the whole time. Photographer's kids, huh?

Kelly is on the up and up with personalized items for your baby showers, birthday parties and general cuteness collection. She never disappoints and puts great effort into quality and detail, right down to her perfect packaging. And in another gesture of her super coolness, if you mention this blog post when you start dreaming up your own personalized items, she'll give you 10% off on any new orders between now and August 31, 2012! How's that for great news! Jake says "Yay!!"