That's me. I'm not saying that to pound my own chest or because I have a huge ego. I'm just being real. Even if that realness seems crass and somewhat obnoxious. Sorry. I have been incredibly blessed with skillful adaptability. I'm a chameleon. And coupled with my obsessive-compulsive disorder and overachieving insane work ethic and discipline, I tend to excel in most areas. I was the girl that always had straight As, played sports well, was artistic, could sing well, played piano beautifully, college on scholarship...blah blah blah.
The bad thing about being the girl who is good at everything is that I tend to get lost in the weeds. I do too much, too fast, too hard. I play the piano well. But I am no concert pianist. I played sports well. But I am no professional athlete. You get the point. My photography is no exception to this. I pushed. Hard. And before I knew it, I was booked solid, crazy busy, with money coming in, inventory growing, business developing. It has been overwhelming to say the least. And then I heard the voice. His voice.
SLOW DOWN KATY.
I've heard that voice before. Loudly. Clearly. And I've ignored it. Delayed. Dragged my feet. The results? Not pretty. I am learning, slowly, to not make that mistake again. I heard Him clearly the first time this go around. Slow down.
And now it's time to listen. I have noticed something lackluster in my work lately. Clients continue to be thrilled, the phone continues to ring, the end product always brings welcome encouragement and praise from a great support system. But me. I've seen something different happening. As I have stretched myself thin, overbooking and working every possible angle and every possible genre, my creativity has been diminishing. And at some point, I found myself to be a photographic technician rather than a creator of art. My brain has been clicking the shutter button, but not my heart. So it's time to slow down and get back to the basics and revive the heart of the matter.
What does this mean? you ask. Is she going out of business? No. A resounding no. It just means that I am gaining some perspective and getting proactive about conserving my vision and my creativity by taking care of my heart. I will continue to accept bookings and look forward to new clients and new projects, but I will not be actively seeking and pushing to fill every available minute with client bookings. I will not be looking at this as a business with a dollar sign and an open calendar to fill up. Instead, I will be focusing on art. I will be shooting constantly, in a variety of forms and genres that I will create and dream up. I will be seeking models, testing my limits, going to the edge of my visions to create. Just create. Because I can.
Over time, you will probably see a shift in my work. Hopefully you will immediately see a revival of my passion and my unique perspectives, but in the long run, I think you will see me gravitate towards a particular genre that really suits me best and that will hopefully present itself in this journey of slowing down and taking time to play. I need to find what I am really good at and throw myself entirely into that. It is time to shed my reputation as the girl who is good at everything before I become the girl who is great at nothing. It is time to find the best way for my photography to grow and develop. Because ultimately in the end, it is you, as the client, who benefits most from my thoughtful considerations of how I can best serve you as an artist. You don't need a technician who can manage your exposures and take ok pictures. You want that dreamer that sees the world differently and tells your story through art with unique compositions, creative ideas and something you've never seen anywhere else.
I truly wholeheartedly believe that this short term obedience to stop, listen and learn will reap long term benefits far outweighing the path I am presently on, pushing full speed ahead, recklessly abandoning all else for the pursuit of the crown. I don't want or need to be the best in the business. But I want to be the best I can be for you. And for me. And for Him. And at the root of it all is a firm belief that He will bless my photography in that perfect way that He already knows and whether it happens tomorrow or five years from now, His timing is perfect. And right now, He is asking me to take my time, because whatever He knows that I don't (A LOT) will make it better this way.
He has spoken. I will listen. I hope you will support and continue to encourage me as I explore what this means for me, my photography and ultimately, for you. I am excited because I think this could be big. I pray the discovery of what I'm really meant to be and what really thrills me will reflect on you when you receive my very, very best.
I'm not going to lie. This is a little bit scary for me. I'm working hard to strip away every part of what I've ever been in hopes of being refined to something better in the future. It's a painful process, but the end result of this leap of faith will far exceed the fear of the unknown. So I take a deep breath. And I jump.
Confession #1 in my exploration of the heart: I love dead flowers. They stop me in my tracks and speak to me. Something about shriveled petals reminds me of life. How precious. How fleeting.