Friday, July 15, 2011

...with all there is...why settle for just a piece of sky?

Yeah, yeah...this is from a Barbra Streisand movie. I totally admit it. I am a sucker for old musicals. Love them in fact. And Yentl is one of my absolute faves. Love Funny Girl too. And Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. And pretty much anything with Judy Garland. You might think I'm cheesy. And so what if I am?

In any event, back to business, because let's face it. Time is a hot commodity right now. The boys came home from the NICU about 48 hours ago, maybe a little bit more, and life has been a blissful chaos ever since. Here are a few things I have discovered:

1. I will always be doing laundry. Always.
2. I will usually be covered in puke. Thus far, the following items have been sacrificed to projectile launches of formula: two tank tops, one bra, a pair of sweatpants, one robe, oh and one Boppy pillow. I won't even begin to list the clothes the boys have gone through. Needless to say, I have changed the sheets on both cribs, twice already, and they don't even sleep in their cribs.
3. Sleeping gowns suck. Yeah, I said it. No one wants to deal with a stretchy bottom band and a yard of fabric in the middle of the night when your child is screaming and hungry. Those will be living in the closet for...the rest of forever probably.
4. Swaddlers are awesome. Not the fancy "I'm a swaddler blanket" kind. The real deal, long happy swaddling blankets. Thank God my cousin sent me two, or I would not have known their amazingness.
5. I might not continue breastfeeding. And while I consider the reality of this, I am coming to terms with two things: my perception of myself as a failure and other's inevitable commentary, which I will work hard to disregard. Because I have to do what works for me. Because happy mom, happy babies. And let's face it, I am already stressed and there are only so many hours in the day. I'm doing what I can.
6. I promised myself I wouldn't jump every time somebody cried or whined and I would "let them settle." Yeah right. I broke that promise in hour one. Ah well. They are too little to really figure out a routine or self-soothing yet anyways. Right? (I keep repeating this to myself at least.)

My point in quoting Yentl was this, go big or go home. And while I am taking it a bit out of context, this song, particularly, these lyrics, always serve as a reminder to me that you have to believe that God can go big. He can move the molehill, sure. But, even better, He can move the mountain. And it's ok to ask for Him to move the mountain. As long as you bring your shovel too.

The most important thing I have learned in the past few days of full house, full family? That believing God could go big and asking for the whole sky has changed our lives in the best possible way ever. Every day, for the rest of my life, I will be grateful that God isn't happy with us having just a piece of sky. He wants us to have the whole thing too. We just have to believe. Jeremiah 29:11.

PS. That pic is from the boys' very first doctor's appt. They rocked it! :)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

A Whole New World

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. And while we didn't quite have the opportunity to celebrate the way we would have liked, I think I can safely say that he had a great day. My husband is in love with our sons. And I have to say, he has never been more attractive, and I have never loved him more than watching him hold, feed, kiss, and love on our boys. I remember that it was how he was with Emily that really made me fall in love with him in the first place, and if it's even possible, now with Ben & Jake here, I love him even more.

On Monday, June 27, 2011, we welcomed Jacob Charles (Jake) at 8:34AM at 4lbs. 15oz., and Benjamin Robert (Ben) at 8:35AM at 5lbs. 10oz.

Say hello Jake!

Say hello Ben!

Ben and Jake are currently in the NICU getting some much needed love and attention. Both are breathing well on their own and making progress towards home, but definitely need your prayers for continued strengthening and growth, especially with feeding. Their little tummies are having a hard time grasping the concept and each feeding time is a lot of work and then we pray that their bodies digest everything accordingly. Jake was slow to transition so is a bit behind Ben and may come home a bit later on, and Ben is making enough progress that he may be home soon, but only time will tell.

To say my being discharged and being at home when they are not is a challenge does not even begin to put it into words. While I am happy they are being so carefully tended to and know I am already overwhelmed at the thought of having such tiny beings under my care, I am broken-hearted to have them so seemingly far away. My usual tough exterior struggles to not cry pretty much all day long. Even now, as I type this, I find the tears spilling over.

I did get to do what is called Kangaroo Care yesterday, which was by far my most favorite moment and something I will remember always. They laid me back in a recliner and then stripped Jake down to his diaper and tucked him inside my shirt so that we could be skin to skin. He just slept with his warm body against my chest, his little hand over my heart. At that moment I realized we were in a whole new world and nothing would ever be the same, in the very best way.

Here are a couple of shots of Jake and Ben now (almost one week old!). Please keep them near and dear in your thoughts and prayers, with hopes they will be home very, very soon!



These were all taken with my Nikon CoolPix, so the quality is a bit dicey at best. I am hoping once I get a grip on being more comfortable myself, that I can lug the Mama Blevo into the NICU for some real, deal shots!
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