The Home Stretch

Almost there! The big welcome for Benjamin Robert (Ben) and Jacob Charles (Jake) will be on Monday, June 27th at 7:30AM EST. Jeff will be spending the night at the hospital with me so that we are both ready and waiting first thing that morning. After all the waiting and resting, it's finally here! Soon, this big blob of a belly will become two tiny little real people! And as soon as I am in recovery and have spent some time with all of my boys, Emily will be coming to meet her new brothers and be the best big sister ever.

As always, we appreciate your prayers for a safe and healthy delivery of the boys and surgery for me, and then a quick recovery and short NICU stay for the boys as they learn to breathe on their own and eat like champs. More pictures to come! Much love to all!

I can see the stars ablaze...

"I may be a dreamer, yeah, but I believe in faith
Only in the darkness can you see the stars ablaze"
(Trevor Hall, Many Roads)

From the moment when my oncologist said "These are miracle babies," I knew the next year of our lives and beyond were going to be something special. And when my OB said "Katy! Do you do anything normally? This is amazing!" I laughed and cracked a joke, saying, "Nope. I guess not. I'm multi-tasking and making up for lost time." What I should have said is, "My God is a mighty God and He is at work."

Since finding out we were expecting twins, this pregnancy took on a life of its own, far beyond anything I ever imagined. Beyond the incredible blessing and fulfillment I felt in claiming Jeremiah 29:11 after my miscarriage (I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. -The Message), this pregnancy seemed to reach out to so many people beyond our tiny nuclear family, giving hope, reassurance and restoration that God is faithful and His timing is perfect. The prayers, expectation, support and intimate connection so many people have felt to these two tiny lives have been overwhelming for me, as it felt like God was using me as a vessel to heal wounds and restore hope to many and that His work was just getting started.

As I sit in the hospital, with the impending early arrival of our boys, with a host of obstacles to overcome in hopes of holding off delivery until my 34th week so that their lungs, brains and eyes have some extra time to develop, I have this incredible sense that something important is coming. Everyone who has checked the boys out, heard their heartbeats, seen their ultrasounds, has laughed and marveled, "They are huge! They look great! I've never seen such big, strong babies! They are beautiful and just perfect! They don't show any signs of distress and are happy to be inside you." And yesterday, when I got to see them practice their breathing on the ultrasound for the first time and saw their tiny diaphragms inflate and bellies rise, I was moved to see that they seem to know they are coming soon and are already practicing and getting ready, and with the miracle of creation and life, God is encouraging them to learn how to breathe just when it is most needed.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
Psalm 139: 13-16, The Message

I truly believe that God is working a mighty work right now, and that He means to finish what He has started with triumph and glory in believing that He is able in all circumstances and the best is yet to come. So I sit, resting in this hospital bed, marveling at the stars ablaze, and I wait. And watch. Knowing that this promise holds true:

And remember, I am with you each and every day until the end of the age.
Matthew 28:20 International Standard Version

Week 4 Complete: Hello, chipmunk.

I will be 31 weeks tomorrow. And holy cow, I've entered the chipmunk phase. I kept telling myself, well at least your face still looks pretty slender. Your weight is astronomical, but it seems to be all baby. And then I saw this picture. And said, "Hello, chipmunk." I admit it, I had a moment. One of those, I can't believe I'm on bed rest, living life like an ever-growing couch potato, when will this end moments. It's been a rough week. It seems I have reached the point of total and utter discomfort in pretty much any position. There are few moments of relief. My doctor tells me to keep reminding myself that I am presently at the same point as a full-term, 40 week singleton pregnancy would be, as if that somehow makes the discomfort more bearable.

Anywho, enough whining. At the end of the day, if my cheeks are plump, the babies' cheeks are plump, and that makes me smile. And if the activity in my belly is any indication, they are blissfully happy and presently training to be Olympic super athletes.

I don't have too much to report this week, other than admitting I am absolutely addicted to Lost and spend most of my time working my way through the 120 available episodes on Netflix (Praise God for Netflix!). I am presently on episode 43. Yes, that's right, 43 hours of TV. And another 80 or so to go. Other things I love right now: Pandora. My giant Boppy body pillow. My Blackberry Klondike game.

Two prayer requests:

1. If you happen to think of it, pray for me between the hours of 8PM-10PM. These are my "bewitching" hours. It's usually when I'm mentally tired and wishing I could just fall asleep to pass the hours. And usually about the same time my body throws an absolute tantrum at being sedentary all day and becomes so restless that any position makes me antsy and sleep evades me. I dread these hours every day. Once I finally fall asleep, I'm good. But the road there is rough and it's one of my more depressing and frustrating times.

2. Our little Ivy (see previously posted amazingly cute bulldog pup pics) is pretty sick. She, being a high maintenance breed, seems to be our special needs dog (as if I thought anyone could top Tucker's neediness and seizures!) and has terrible seasonal allergies. She is itchy, pretty uncomfortable, and truth be told, looks kind of like a mangy mutt right now because she has lost patches of fur all over. She is on some pretty heavy antibiotics, a special diet of wheat-free food, and a host of other attempts to get her past this and more comfortable going into the summer. She is the sweetest pup ever and has the cutest little face and it breaks my heart to see her wriggle in discomfort. So, pray that these antibiotics finally do the trick and she is back to her regular insane puppy self in no time.

PS. My lovely sidekick in this picture is my bestie, Becky. For those that know me personally, you know Becky. For those that don't, I can only tell you I hope you have at least one Becky in your life!

Week 2 Survival: The Kindness of Friends

So today marks the end of Week 2: Babywatch 2011. Bed rest continues to be a mental, physical and spiritual challenge. To say I am bored doesn't even begin to cover it. To say my whole body aches from being so sedentary doesn't even begin to cover it. BUT. At the end of each day, I am eternally grateful for each second that passes by allowing the boys to grow and flourish and have the time they need to fully develop into the healthy, perfect miracles we know they are.

This week has been a huge reminder of just how important it is to have good friends. I am blessed to say that I have a lot of good friends. Great friends. Life wasn't always that way for me, and I've long battled my independence and love of solitude to make time for other people in my life. It amazes me how much love and kindness people are willing to give when they see someone in need. We have had meals brought, offers to clean the house, books brought, people stopping by just to keep me company, even my hairdresser (who has become a dear friend) has offered to come to my house to trim my hair since I can't make it to the salon. Not to mention, we have a nursery, ready and waiting, that is bursting with clothes, toys and helpful items, many of which were given to us by people we barely even know out of the goodness of their hearts.

The picture above is a beautiful woman, inside and out. She was supposed to be my last bride for the season before I planned to head into down time to await the boys arrival. Needless to say, that down time arrived sooner than anticipated and I found myself having to find back up and admit I just wasn't up for the task. This was a huge disappointment for me, and I'll be honest, I know it was a huge disappointment for her (not tooting my own horn, just acknowledging that yes, I added to her stress rather than relieving it). Yet, she didn't voice one ounce of complaint, fear or even a second of frustration at the situation. She instead, being a true woman of Christ, encouraged me through prayers and Scripture, told me she knew God was in control and she had full faith that everything would work out. And she even offered to stop by to keep me company.

Yesterday, she married the love of her life. And in the busyness of her day, I got this picture sent to my phone. And it touched me. The most important day of her life, when a million things were going all around her and it was a day that could truly be declared HER DAY when she is utterly allowed to be selfish and suck in every little moment for herself and her husband. And she took a minute to say hello. It meant a lot. As I was home praying for her day, beautiful weather, perfect pictures, everything we had talked about and imagined during her engagement and bridal sessions, coffee meetings and more, she took a moment to remember me. Thanks Laura! You were a stunning bride, and are a shining example of our Lord. I know the life ahead of you and Thomas will be blessed beyond measure and I am so happy to know you.

I must also take a moment to give props to one of my dearest friends, Miss Melody Gillikin. A fabulous character full of spunk, creative juices, and a heart for the Lord, Melody has been nothing short of a miracle to me. She is an incredibly talented photographer, and has most graciously and tirelessly worked to cover the gaps for me with my clients. I can honestly say that I was able to get through yesterday without one ounce of fear or worry because I knew Melody had everything under control (and I even let her borrow the Mama Blevo to use as a back up, and NOBODY takes the Mama Blevo from my camera bag except me. NOBODY.). Melody, I know the Lord blesses you in your willingness to help a friend and I know the hopes you have for your future in photography and I believe wholeheartedly that your spirit and faith are propelling you there faster than you think. I am forever indebted to you!

And to showcase Mel's amazing handiwork, here is a sneak peek! Shot and edited by Melody Gillikin Photography.

Comedic Interlude: Week 1 Survival

Given my obvious incapacity to provide new and interesting photos with this entry, I shall mesmerize you with a picture of the world's cutest dog, our Ivy. (I have to say I identify with this picture as I sit in bed, staring out from the walls of my "cage.") Now, add, oh say...40 pounds (seriously) to said cute frame and you can imagine Ivy in her present 7-month state. I think Jeff even has a picture somewhere that I will have to dig out. Ah ha! Found it! This was taken 8 weeks ago. Looking at it now, she looks insanely tiny in comparison to her present-day beastly form.




Needless to say, she's darn cute. And her fat butt can't make it up the stairs, so as I lay here most of the day, I worry she is forgetting I exist. Thankfully, Jeff carries her up to greet me now and again so she "doesn't forget her mama" and she snorts and wriggles and spews slime all over me for as long as Jeff can hold her (she, unlike every other dog on the planet, does not like to be handled...she is a true independent woman...I swear, it's like having a cat!).

Anyways, here are my thoughts for surviving week 1:

1. Day time TV sucks. I mean, seriously. There is obviously a good reason why most of the world is at work from 9-5. There is NOTHING to watch on TV. NOTHING. I will not admit to the shameless shows I have watched in the last week. Although I will say, sadly, although I thought the day would never come, I am sick of Law & Order.

2. Drinking enough water so that you have to pee, quite literally, every 10 minutes, gets old. FAST. Thank God my bathroom is a mere 10 feet from the bed. Otherwise, I'm not entirely sure how any sort of bed resting would be accomplished as I spend most of my time shuffling to and from the potty. To be honest, I kinda have to go right now, and am determined to finish this post first.

3. When on bed rest, it is imperative to forget the rest of the world (i.e. my house) exists outside of my cave. I made the mistake of venturing downstairs yesterday, only to run back up and wish I could block the horrific images of my home from my memory. Yeah, yeah, I am sure it is not that bad, you say. But to someone with OCD, relinquishing all control to two unruly dogs, my husband and a 10 year old...well...it's like bachelor heaven has come to reign. (I say that ONLY as related to cleanliness. Both Jeff and Emily have been absolute troopers thus far. Jeff works long hours all day and then comes home to cook dinner and try and keep up as best he can. Emily has become my personal nursemaid, filling water bottles, bringing snacks, and has also become the sole caretaker of the pups. They both rock. But...they're both dirty punks when it comes to cleanliness!)

Ok, said reference in #2 of this post has refused to be patient, so I will wrap it up for now. A huge thanks to all those generous friends who have signed up on the Meal Baby registry to bring us dinners, donated books, a fridge, cleaning help, company and countless other helpful offerings as we get by. And three cheers for one more week the boys got to take their time growing and developing as they should! Keep those prayers coming!!!!!!

Baby Watch 2011: Welcome Bed Rest!

Duh, duh, duh (fierce, foreboding music of dread)...

I have heard the magic words "You are now on bed rest."

I haven't blogged in FOREVER, mainly because I have been doing two things the past several months as the boys have grown: working and sleeping. Not a lot of time for creative writing, much less creative cleaning, laundry, photography, etc. etc. My bed and I have already become fast friends, although it appears we are just now embarking on what will surely be a BFF love/hate relationship over the course of the next two months.

Yesterday just didn't feel right. I wasn't in pain, but I was awkward. In that strange, gut feeling that something wasn't quite right. I finally called the doctor, who of course sent me straight in for monitoring. Low and behold, the boys were trying to make an early appearance. Turns out my petite structure, while mentally and emotionally encouraging, also holds additional challenges for two growing boys who were in the 97th percentile at my last appointment two weeks ago.

So, here I am. In bed. Laying on my side (which makes for really awkward typing!), downing water like it's nobody's business, and henceforth visiting my second favorite bed rest hot spot, the bathroom. I have my laptop, a good book, my baby registry, Netflix, the Wii, Law & Order and a DVD player calling my name. Somehow I think I will still be bored out of my mind. And somehow I'm pretty sure the laundry downstairs, my poor kenneled puppies, and the knowledge that my husband and daughter have taken over the house and I must table my OCD indefinitely, will be calling louder. I should have known that God would challenge me through this pregnancy in a big way. He has given us an incredible blessing, and I know wholeheartedly that it comes with a purpose and a lesson. And here I stand (well, lay) acknowledging that He is in control, not me.

I'm not going to lie. I need help. The emotional, physical and mental challenges of being confined to the bed for weeks on end are huge. And if I've learned anything from this pregnancy and everything we've gone through in the past two years, it is that asking for help is necessary. You can't do everything. So...anyone who wants to visit with a chat and a smile, anyone who wants to stop by with food, books, movies, etc., anyone who loves cleaning or just coming to play with puppies. ANYONE. ANYWHERE. With a kind and willing helpful heart. You are welcome.

So begins Baby Watch 2011: Day One. With everyone's prayers and support, I am working hard to keep these boys in and growing. On this Mother's Day, it is only fitting that I am seeing my greatest purpose in life, to do what I can for my boys. Which right now, means stopping everything and just being here, still, for them.

PS. A big thanks to Melody Gillikin for the quickie snap shot of my belly! My head is cut off because my hair was WICKED that day. HA!

WE'RE PREGNANT! TIMES TWO!

My first blog post in...well, forever. But, for good reason. We're pregnant! With twins!!

For those who have followed my history and prayed and hoped for healing and second chances after my miscarriage, to say this has been an overwhelming answer to prayer and a strikingly clear marker of God's wonder and desire to give us the joys of our heart, far beyond anything we ever even imagined, doesn't even begin to do this experience justice. To come from such a dark, sad, trying place to where we are now, expecting TWO miracles to join our family this summer, well, it has been a remarkable injection of hope and healing that has reached far beyond my tiny nuclear family. I can absolutely say that we would not have survived our first loss without the prayer of so many friends and family from all over the world and we celebrate life together with those who have steadfastly claimed hope and healing for us so diligently over the past year and a half.

Given my challenges during the first trimester last time, thus explains my recent hiatus. I have been working hard to listen to my body and in a simple, but often challenging commitment, have SLOWED DOWN. Everywhere. In everything. My house is a disaster (ahhh....screams...running dust bunnies and horrified OCDers...tears and horror), laundry can wait, and my bed has become my greatest ally in growing these tiny beings, who right now, are blissfully healthy, in the 97th growth percentile, at 14 weeks exactly, today.

I have severely limited my shooting schedule this year, relying on especially flexible, supportive clients for a few special jobs, second shooters and alternative approaches to accomplish what I am able, and only that. I expect my updates may be less frequent, my posts of new photos streamlined and direct and above all, continue to listen to my body and my amazing medical team to do everything absolutely necessary to continue on this path to increasing the size of our family.

I ask for your continued prayers and support and welcome your joy and celebration in God's miracle of restoration and new life. I also ask for your understanding with my limited schedule and availability and hope to reengage in 2012 with new vision and purpose. I will be accepting portrait clients on a very limited basis depending on how I feel as the inquiries arise, and will be declining all future wedding inquiries between now and October 15, 2011. I plan to deliver end July and after some time adjusting, will refocus and consider what the Fall may bring, but know that I will not be capable of managing anything prior to the 15th of October at the earliest.

And for your viewing pleasure...a little snapshot of me taken by my BFF on our way to Target when I finally broke down and admitted my work pants and jeans no longer fit me and I desperately needed some maternity wear!